The End of the Road

When Robbie said to me last September that my final year of high school will be over before I know it, I was like “yea yea, I know exactly what you’re talking about”. Looking back on it, I realized how silly I must have been to think that I know what exactly what Robbie meant. It wasn't until messages like “honors night, yay!” or “when one door closes, another one opens :)” slowly fill up my Facebook feed when I finally realized the year is coming to a close. I was caught by complete surprise, but then I remember I had already been warned, I just didn't listen. I guess Robbie was correct when he said his comment was going to be dismissed as an old man’s ramblings. My apologies, it wasn't intentional.

Nevertheless, here I am, caught at the border between what my peers like to call freedom and prison. I myself would like to give them a slightly more realistic view but they would shoot back with surprise in their face and a “You are weird!”. From their expressions, I think what they mean is “fuck off, I don’t care”. Never mind that, I’m a firm believer that people should have the right to think for themselves. It will be their problem, not mine.

I've been told I’m a cynical person, but I would say that I’m realistic. Too realistic perhaps. I've never been part of the those who try so hard to receive a piece of paper recognizing their time wasted. Even in disapproval, I do envy how easily they can be possessed by genuine joy and pride. To be completely honest, I can’t say I haven’t done the same. After all we just waste time in different ways. The difference between us is that I don’t need a piece of paper saying that I did it.

On a happier note, high school will soon be over. Soon I’ll cross the finish line. Soon I’ll start working at my internship. Soon I’ll start on a new 4 year track.

Soon, life will bitch slap me in the face.

Something From My Senior Project

As if our lives aren't miserable enough, our district forces us seniors to do a project that will make or break our grade in a class that is necessary for graduation. Fortunately the English department of the high school I attend decided that instead of writing research papers and involuntarily volunteering 30 plus hours, all we had to do is to create a website.

The website we are tasked to create must contain 5 pages: a home page, a blog page, a community outreach page, a resume page, and a portfolio page. Having to answer questions like "If you had to describe yourself as a cartoon character, which one would it be" and "Name three things that you would like to achieve within the next decade", the home page gave me a giant headache. Are we still in elementary school where they're trying to teach us to be narcissists?

The experience with the home page questions made me certain that the blog questions will just kill me; they must be answered with at least 6 sentences. I thought "whatever, I'll just fail it" but then I realized that I couldn't just fail it. Doing so will mean that I have to go through senior year again in a high school I'm dying to get out of. 

"I am just going to give them a steaming pile."

Or so I thought.

"Solving the riddles with such legitimacy that not even I can comprehend." -Me

***

How can I effectively express my opinions and perspectives?

Some people do it with music and dance. Some people do it with poetry and writing. Effectively expressing one's opinions and perspectives is very easy. There are T-shirts with messages, logos and mottos. There is also the internet of course, where writing a blog can be an effective way of expressing your opinions and perspectives. However, I do believe that in order for other people to listen to you. In order to express your opinions effectively, you cannot be too forceful and must listen and understand other people's opinions.

How can I use my talents to create new opportunities for myself and others?

Creating new opportunities for yourself and others might sound like a daunting task, but it can be as simple as writing down your observations and asking a question. Perhaps you may not have the knowledge to answer the question yourself, but if the right person comes around and has the ability to elaborate upon it, things like anti-matter (particles that destroy matter) can result from it. Newton had definitely proved this point to be true with his observation and questioning of why would an ordinary apple fall and hit him. (How mean of the apple?) This simple act had brought us our electricity, mobile phones and the internet. Granted it wasn't Newton who had invented those, but it was his talents that had created opportunities for others to improve upon it, which lead to an increase of standards of life for the populace.

It might at first sound difficult, but creating opportunities for yourself and others can be as simple as being an observant person.

What qualities define a good world citizen?

To be a good world citizen, it is of utmost importance for you to understand that the world doesn't revolve around you. You must be aware that there are people who are like you and there are also people who are drastically different from you. Not everybody thinks the way you do and being a good world citizen means that you would have to listen and understand them. Although you don't necessarily have to agree with them. By doing this, many unnecessary disagreements and heated exchanges between different cultures can simply be avoided, enabling society to advance into the future unhindered. Into the future full of promises.

***

Are they all not legitimate? I spent way more time on this then I thought I would have. Fifteen minutes turned into thirty minutes. From thirty minutes it turned into an hour. After three and a half hours, it was finally done!

What do you think of it? I'm particularly proud of that euphemism. ;P

Big Dave

"Are you kidding me!?"

"Nobody is kidding you!" Big Dave screamed.

Puzzled by Big Dave's outburst, Tanner reached for his gun, in case anything should happen. All of a sudden, Big Dave's demeanor changed. He is calm, relaxed, like a leopard tracking its pray, waiting patiently for the opportunity to go in for the kill. Sensing the change, Tanner drew out his gun with a sleight of hand, but he was already too late, a bullet had entered his brain long before.

Big Dave chucked coldly as he puts his gun away.

"No no."

*****

It's a relaxed day in math class. Jokes are being passed around lightheartedly, not all were school appropriate in the strictest definition, but Big Dave couldn't care less.

"So Big Dave, if you could summarize your life into a song, what would the lyrics be?" A student asked jokingly.

Ever so calmly Big Dave smiled and said, "I'm a bad ass."

Family Business

[Some say that the pen is mightier than the sword. This is definitely a more peaceful way of revenge. :)]

He hated it when they yell at each other. The things they say to each other were so precisely crafted, they hurt like a slow knife, carving deep into the heart. Of course they would always call a truce few days later, but he often wonders how they can look each other in the eyes and accepts each other’s overused “I didn't mean it”. He knows that they meant it in some ways. He is certain that they know that they meant it too. Moreover the truces they've ever called were just rest spites during which they rearm themselves with even more cruel statements and the setting of moral traps for each other.

The fights are not easy for him to endure. When hostility commences, sooner or later, he would be dragged into it, assuming the position of a judge. He dreads the job, dreads to have to pick a side that is in the right. How can he? He loves his parents way too much to do anything to harm either one. Not to mention the fact that they both have very valid arguments that are, in their own ways, right.

He knew, of course, that if he is just brave enough to talk to his parents about it. Just by telling them how much their fighting upsets him, the ordeals would stop. He knew, also, that they both love him as much as he loves them. He knew that they would do whatever for him. Whatever that pleases him. He knew if nothing else, he can stop the arguments before they are passed the point of no return. Oh he knew, he is just not brave enough to take action, and he hates himself very much for it.

One night his worst nightmare came true. It was the war to end all wars. The most vicious one he has experienced by far from his parents. The volume of their voices stunned him. Not sure what to do, if anything at all, he locked himself in his room and crouched in a corner, and started shaking.

His mind was grasped by a sudden urge to run downstairs to stop them from going any further. It took a while, but he ultimately had picked himself up and dragged his body to the door. He cracked the door open, but slammed it shut almost as quickly as he had it opened. The sound of shattering glassware had hit him like a sledgehammer. He was knocked right back to the same corner where he was too slow to act.

“Coward!” he called himself as he plugs a pair of ear buds in. Feeling lost and not giving a fuck, he irrationally slides the volume bar all the way up.

His ears were pulsating with pain, but he could've cared less. A question drifted into his consciousness, he wonders if they are really oblivious to the fact that whatever they are doing hurts him. But he was too tired to think any longer. He soon fell asleep.

He woke up early next morning with a stream of blood running out of his ears. He laid there for awhile until he noticed the familiar sound of his mother making breakfast was missing. He repeated the phrase “hopefully it’s just my ears” as he dresses to check on his parents.

It was a cold February morning, quite beautiful too. A snowstorm came through just the night before, leaving the neighborhood a smooth white complexion. Outside the children awoke early building snowmen and making snow angels. Everything looked so serene and harmless, but if one was to look closer, he or she would've noticed the two freshly made tire tracks in place of the usually late waking Haldemans' van and a hint of red was splattered on the windows of the master bedroom. And perhaps one would've also noticed the emptiness of the house from which a faint but definitely audible scream came.

But the children were busy having fun and the adults even busier preparing for the long day ahead of them.

Good Bye 2012

Since I've not been very festive about the last few holidays, I might as well hitch a ride on the bandwagon into 2013 while the chance is still present.

***

2012. Pretty routine. Other than the load of tests I had to take in the middle of the year and the internship thing. It would also be my first time of experiencing betrayal.

For the internship, all of us have to do a tri-fold presentation. It wasn't the kind that you have to present in front of everyone, not that we'll have the time for that anyway. All the tri-folds were put out on the hallways of our school for the teacher parent conferences and open house, and was taken down right after. They really were just obstructions after they served their purposes, and they don't benefit us in any shape or form.

We were given three weeks to finish the project. It was difficult because I'm not very interested in making artsy shit like fancy poster boards that shoots fireworks. Art I like, but poster boards, that is so 3rd grade. Not to mention the only things I have to make art with at home were a pair of scissor, a bottle of glue and a pack of color pencils my cousin gave me seven years ago. I wasn't exactly in the shape of making anything artsy and a betrayal from my intern partner didn't do anything to help either.

That fucker agreed to work on this poster board with me when I asked him during the internship. His job was to take all the pictures for the poster board and we'll split the work equally among us. But on the day we were given the rubric he flatly denied to anything of the sort and stated that he will refuse to work with me because he paid for the pictures he took to be printed on nice photo paper. Prick.

***

Now that 2012 is behind us, shall all the memories connected to it be gone with it. Lessons learned will be forgotten, emotions felt will be suppressed, shits happened will be disregarded. Older, fatter, more mature. I don't expect 2013 to be any different from 2012. Stupid worthless projects will still be given. Another Chlamydia outbreak at my school. And more the DOs and DON'Ts from our counselors.

(I'm still curious as to how exactly did the proper authorities found out about the outbreak.)

2013 will be the same, or as my friend had eloquently put it, "Same shit different year".

To stay festive: Happy new year to you all! Have a great 2013!

Dense Fog

The last few days started out blurry. Dense fog lingered deep into the afternoons, giving the world an unusual but supernatural appearance.

Almost everyday I wake when most of the world is still asleep in their beds. When no sounds were made by people or animal. No lights from the streetlights or the rising sun. When it was just me, alone in the dark, wandering and struggling to find my way through the thick cobweb to the bus stop.

I felt alone. The last man in the world. Concerns of the living and the dead seem to matter less and less. It was just me, trying to reach a destination for a purpose. Soon the sounds of passing car engines faded into the background and the destination and the purpose also waned.

I turned around as if someone had called. I looked afar, the fog was observed to glow a ghostly white. Straight dark lines stood there in an orderly fashion, as if I was looking into some great forest. Or perhaps they were the silhouettes of the dead, my ancestors. Could they have been looking at me, sizing me up?

I wondered if I've lived up to their expectations or if they knew what the future holds. But I was scared to ask. Scared to believe in the supernatural. And above all, I was scared to find out. But even if I had pull together my strengths, how would I've asked? I didn't even know their names. In the mass gathering of spirits, I was reluctant to embarrass them.

They read my mind as it appeared. Two bright dots began to come toward me. Am I ready to find out the truth, I pondered. I thought my answers were going to get answered, answered by the all knowing spirits that live in the other kingdom. I thought my deepest secrets were uncovered, laid bare in front of the mind readers. I also thought of many other things, but they shall remain buried. I was hoping for a chance to say sorry to my grandpa.

The lights flew passed me and a stroke of yellow followed.

"F***!" and I started running.

Autumn

A cold breeze had picked up, carrying away with it the last of the leaves from the almost bare branch.  In the corner a twister had spun into existence. Twisting all alone, like a dancer without the appreciation of its partner. And up in the sky the clouds hang lowly, shutting out the much loved golden rays originated from some 93 million miles away. For days it would linger, dampening everyone’s spirit and creates a depressing but fitting mood. And the tide is also turned against day on the eternal battle between it and night. Autumn came with force, even the strongest of the weeds are now bending under its wrath.

Out here in the suburb, the temperature would differ significantly from the forecasted one; colder, most of the time. The lively sidewalks once filled with screaming children and horrified squirrels are now cold and desolated. The once lush and soft lawn where the same children and their pets loved to play on is now stiff and colorless from the cold. Off to the side, the dried fallen leaves and its rotten versions are now making a disgusting but yet flowery smell. Autumn is a quiet season, even the anomaly Halloween causes this year was suppressed by its cold.

However autumn will soon come to past, replacing it will be winter. Soon the smell of wood smoke will perfume the neighborhood and permeates into everyone’s house, uncovering the defects in the claimed to be perfect insulation. Soon the first snow fall will come, covering everything in an innocent white. The imperfections we all possess will be hidden. And just for a while, we’ll all drop our cloaks and be our real selves. Naked and clean.

Soon, everything will change. Decisions made hundreds of miles away will arrive and my dreams will either come true, or stay as ridiculous wishes and left to be forgotten.

Soon, I will find out.